People have a lot on their plate when it comes to dealing with a death - the shock of the death itself, the bureaucracy that’s involved ... not to mention family and estates to deal with.
At the point of arranging the funeral, the last thing on the bereaved's mind is what they are going to do with the remains. However, when the family meet with their funeral director to make the funeral arrangements this is a question that needs to be recorded on the crematorium paperwork that must be handed in before the funeral can take place.
If a family is unsure, the best policy is not to make an irrevocable decision. The remains can be ‘put on hold’, for a short time at the crematorium, or collected for safe keeping either by the funeral director or by the family themselves. They can always be returned to the crematorium at a later date for strewing.
Strewing cremated remains refers to scattering the ashes.
People have very different attitudes towards remains. Some feel they are very precious and provide another chance for dealing with the death, others see them as nothing at all and just want them disposing of without fuss and then there are those who just want to keep them.
The photo on the right shows the green polytainer typically provided by the crematorium (colours may vary), a cardboard cylindrical scatter tube and a small wooden heart keepsake.
So what are the options?
In my experience the majority choose to have the remains strewn in the crematorium grounds. If this is your choice you may well be asked if you have a preferred spot (for example, where another member of the family or friend was placed). The crematorium, record this place of strewing on their records and, depending on the authority, it can be very accurate. For example, Wakefield and Pontefract crematoria record strewings to within one metre.
If you wish the remains to be strewn on a council grave in the area of the crematorium, this can also be arranged (sometimes a small cost is involved - your funeral director will advise).
If you wish to be present and make an appointment to witness the strewing, this will be organised through your funeral director. Some authorities make a charge for this service (eg Wakefield), others provide it as part of the cremation service (eg Leeds). If you do attend, the affair is quite informal. The crematorium attendant or cemetery representative will usually say a few words if asked and will also allow the family to complete the strewing under supervision. The family then know exactly where the remains are. The crematoria have their own methods of memorialisation (eg book of remembrance, plaques etc.) which some families feel are appropriate if the remains are to stay at the crematorium.
The photo on the left shows a wooden urn, a typical child's urn and tiny scatter tubes which are sometimes used as keepsakes.
The simplest option is to have the remains strewn by the crematorium staff without an appointment. If you did want to attend at a later date they can look up the location for you.
If the family choose to have the cremated remains removed by the funeral director, they are encouraged to collect them if they are unable to decide on a final resting place.
Some families decide it is more appropriate to do something more personal, for example, a favourite spot or holiday destination. I have known families take remains abroad intact or in small quantities. One family told me their loved one liked to travel and that his remains would be taken to exotic spots around the globe – it worked for them. If you are doing your own strewing, please bear in mind wind direction and remember that breathing in cremated remains is very bad for you (they are carcinogenic).
It can prove helpful in the grieving process to have a place to visit and focus on. This seems to be especially helpful in the case of young and accidental deaths.
To this end, some families elect to have the cremated remains buried. This can be in an existing grave or a newly purchased plot. Some plots are specifically designed for cremated remains (authorities vary in their provisions). The cost of this sometimes puts families off the idea. If you are a member of a church community it is worth checking to see if they make provision for cremated remains strewing or burying, but again remember there will usually be a cost.
The people that want keep the remains close by may decide to bury them in the garden, but just think what happens if they move house! The plastic containers that the remains are usually placed in for collection are not biodegradable. One option is to bury the container with the view that it can be dug up if necessary.
If you are planning to bury a wooden urn, bear in mind that this deteriorates with time and must be at least two feet below ground. My beloved dog, whose remains I buried in a wooden urn, was one day strewn on the lawn (not buried under it as intended) due to local foxes and their digging antics.
Something else that a lot of people do not realise is that cremated remains can be strewn on lawns but not on plants, they are very bad for rose bushes.
Sometimes when an elderly partner dies, the remaining person often decides to have the remains retained in order that they can be placed together after their demise. Depending on the family, they may be kept in the back of a garage or displayed on a mantle shelf in an expensive urn for all to see. Each to their own, its all about what helps the person involved. A lady I know of, told her husband whilst she was alive, he would not miss an episode of ‘Coronation Street’. I believe he is still next to the TV.
The photo on the right shows a small selection of biodegradable urns.
A few families I have dealt with have wanted burial at sea and opted instead to dispose of the ashes at sea instead. It is a lot less complicated than organising a full body burial. It is also free of cost if done discreetly.
Some Sikhs use the fishermen's platforms on the river Aire at Kirkstall for strewing on water.
Keepsakes are also available that can be made from a tiny quantity of the remains ranging from diamonds to glass depending how much you want to spend (diamonds in the region of £10,000). Keepsakes incorporating a tiny proportion kept as is, include such things as lockets, tactile wooden hearts, tiny urns etc.
More unusual disposal methods include; having the remains tattooed into the skin, having them incorporated into a firework and having them shot into space in a small rocket.
The cremation process is very final. People, as in all things, must make their own decisions but a decision made in haste can be the wrong one. So, if you are in any way in doubt, hold fire until your head is in a better place and you can make the decision that is right for you.
