To cater or not to cater – choices and considerations

It is important that the bereaved do what suits them as a family and not just what they feel is expected.

There is no standard, though some families seem to find comfort in repeating what they have done previously.

Historically, catering would be done in the home of the deceased and was organised and provided by the ladies of the family. Good food (and drink if appropriate) was a mark of a good send off.

The trend nowadays seems to be away from the home setting, especially for larger gatherings – and pubs, hotels and church halls have all helped to facilitate this.

The funeral directors will normally have a list of venues that they can recommend, but, remember, their taste may not be yours, so a visit to the establishment is always a good idea.

Some options to consider

• No catering. This may be considered because of the deceased’s wishes. Also, the family might not want a get-together, they might be too few in number, or they may not have sufficient funds.
• Catering only for immediate family. Not a general invite. Perhaps a meal for a selected few or back to the deceased’s house for a cup of tea.
• Traditional home reception. A general invite, home catering or caterers providing the food and (optionally) service. This would perhaps suit smaller gatherings, but please consider whether the main mourners can cope (if it is in their home).
• Catering in an outside venue. Here we have lots of choice (though obviously at a greater cost) to suit different requirements.

When I was a funeral Director, I was involved in arranging funerals with a wide variety of solutions to the catering question such as:

• Light refreshments (tea and biscuits).
• Finger buffet with or without tea or coffee.
• Upgraded finger buffet to include for example: a sherry reception; hot soup and a roll; hot savouries; cakes and scones; sparkling wine; free bar.
• The provision of a sit-down meal at a local restaurant or hostelry.

Venues usually offer different menus that may be described as ‘funeral tea’, ‘breakfast buffet’, ‘afternoon tea’, or ‘champagne reception’ (for those wishing to push the boat out). Choices as to sandwich fillings and the type of savouries (traditional or spicy) are usually offered. As you can imagine, much can be customised to personal preferences.

Families sometimes feel it is appropriate to use establishments for the reception that the deceased frequented such as golf clubs or working men’s clubs. In some instances, I have known the whole funeral to be organised around the availability of the reception venue as the family felt that it was so important.

The main advantage of an outside venue, I feel, is that when the main mourners have had enough they can go home to a peaceful house that has not been disrupted with entertaining.

If you want to offer a general invitation to the reception, the person taking the funeral service can announce it for you. It can also be written on the back of the service sheets (if you are having them) along with the address and postcode of the venue.

As I’ve said, costs vary. In my locale, they start in the region of £7 per head at local pubs and increase with the standard of the venue and the provisions required.

Be aware that some venues charge for room hire on top of the catering. This is easily swallowed up if you are catering for large numbers and the price per head for the food is reasonable. On the other hand, if the numbers are small, it can make something that appears reasonable considerably more expensive. Also, waiter/waitress service may be an additional cost.

The payment for the reception can be settled directly by the family with the establishment or can be put on the Funeral Director’s invoice. Do check with your Funeral Director if this is part of their service and make sure it doesn’t entail extra costs.

How many do you book for? This can be tricky, as you often don’t know how many are coming when you are at the planning stage. You can usually make a booking for an approximate number and agree to confirm exact numbers a couple of days before the funeral, when you should have more of an idea.

People do have a tendency to over-cater but you know your family and friends. Much also depends on the time of the funeral service.

Plan for about two hours for the reception unless it is to spill over into an evening session.