It
is important that the bereaved do what suits them as a family and not just what
they feel is expected.
There
is no standard, though some families seem to find comfort in repeating what
they have done previously.
Historically,
catering would be done in the home of the deceased and was organised and
provided by the ladies of the family. Good food (and drink if appropriate) was
a mark of a good send off.
The
trend nowadays seems to be away from the home setting, especially for larger
gatherings – and pubs, hotels and church halls have all helped to facilitate
this.
The
funeral directors will normally have a list of venues that they can recommend, but,
remember, their taste may not be yours, so a visit to the establishment is
always a good idea.
Some
options to consider
- No catering. This may be considered because of the deceased’s wishes. Also, the family might not want a get-together, they might be too few in number, or they may not have sufficient funds.
- Catering only for immediate family. Not a general invite. Perhaps a meal for a selected few or back to the deceased’s house for a cup of tea.
- Traditional home reception. A general invite, home catering or caterers providing the food and (optionally) service. This would perhaps suit smaller gatherings, but please consider whether the main mourners can cope (if it is in their home).
- Catering in an outside venue. Here we have lots of choice (though obviously at a greater cost) to suit different requirements.
When
I was a funeral Director, I was involved in arranging funerals with a wide
variety of solutions to the catering question such as:
- Light refreshments (tea and biscuits).
- Finger buffet with or without tea or coffee.
- Upgraded finger buffet to include for example: a sherry reception; hot soup and a roll; hot savouries; cakes and scones; sparkling wine; free bar.
- The provision of a sit-down meal at a local restaurant or hostelry.
Venues
usually offer different menus that may be described as ‘funeral tea’, ‘breakfast
buffet’, ‘afternoon tea’, or ‘champagne reception’ (for those wishing to push
the boat out). Choices as to sandwich fillings and the type of savouries (traditional
or spicy) are usually offered. As you can imagine, much can be customised to
personal preferences.
Families
sometimes feel it is appropriate to use establishments for the reception that
the deceased frequented such as golf clubs or working men’s clubs. In some instances,
I have known the whole funeral to be organised around the availability of the
reception venue as the family felt that it was so important.
The
main advantage of an outside venue, I feel, is that when the main mourners have
had enough they can go home to a peaceful house that has not been disrupted with
entertaining.
If
you want to offer a general invitation to the reception, the person taking the
funeral service can announce it for you. It can also be written on the back of
the service sheets (if you are having them) along with the address and postcode
of the venue.
As
I’ve said, costs vary. In my locale, they start in the region of £7 per head at
local pubs and increase with the standard of the venue and the provisions required.
Be
aware that some venues charge for room hire on top of the catering. This is easily
swallowed up if you are catering for large numbers and the price per head for
the food is reasonable. On the other hand, if the numbers are small, it can
make something that appears reasonable considerably more expensive. Also, waiter/waitress
service may be an additional cost.
The
payment for the reception can be settled directly by the family with the
establishment or can be put on the Funeral Director’s invoice. Do check with
your Funeral Director if this is part of their service and make sure it doesn’t
entail extra costs.
How
many do you book for? This can be tricky, as you often don’t know how many are
coming when you are at the planning stage. You can usually make a booking for
an approximate number and agree to confirm exact numbers a couple of days
before the funeral, when you should have more of an idea.
People
do have a tendency to over-cater but you know your family and friends. Much
also depends on the time of the funeral service.
Plan
for about two hours for the reception unless it is to spill over into an
evening session.