Vehicles and Routes

How many vehicles do you require and what route do you want the cortège to take? – 12 January 2018?

Please note: cortège refers to the hearse and any following vehicles.

In the past, families tended to repeat the Funeral arrangements their relatives had used – the same funeral director, the same style of coffin, the same number of vehicles etc. Nowadays, there are many more choices available and there is a more relaxed attitude to what is possible.

The most commonly booked funeral vehicles were a motorised hearse and one limousine to take the main family mourners to the service. More limousines were used in the case of large families and/or a larger budget

What Vehicles?

Today, the majority still book a motorised hearse. This transports the coffin, the flowers,  the Funeral Director and the coffin bearers. Standard limousines take a maximum of six passengers behind the drivers screen, but some Funeral Directors may be able to make the seventh seat (the one next to the driver) available to a family member (this needs to be arranged prior to the day of the funeral). For insurance reasons, children are considered to be full passengers and child seats must be provided by the family if necessary.

Different Funeral Directors have different vehicle availability. Some are able to provide estate or saloon cars or minibuses (eight seater plus) type vehicles which are cheaper than a limousine. This may be a welcome alternative if families do not wish to be so formal or are on a tight budget – it’s worth enquiring.

Some families decide they do not wish to be driven and prefer to take their own vehicles. There are advantages and disadvantages to this and, obviously, it is the family’s choice.

If families elect to drive themselves, they can still follow the hearse if they wish. Alternatively, they can meet it at its destination. Some Funeral Directors even have markers (such as a black flag or signs for the back windows) that following cars can use to identify them and help keep the cortège together. Failing that, following cars may be asked to use headlights to indicate to other road users that they are part of the cortège.

The advantage of booking a limousine is that mourners don’t have to worry about driving if they are upset and they can stay close to their loved one in the hearse. The route is planned by the Funeral Director and a door-to-door service is provided. The Funeral Director is also on hand to organise parking and answer any questions.

If a funeral car is booked, it will collect the family, take them to the service then return them afterwards either home or to the catering venue. In the latter case, the family then need to make their own way home either by taxi, friends or a car left by them prior to the service.

Sometimes, the cortège can include a special vehicle related to the life of the deceased, usually organised by friends or work colleagues, such as a fire engine, farm tractor, horse rider or a motorcycle convoy.

It is a personal choice but there has been a trend towards hearse-only funerals with families travelling under their own steam (this is certainly cheaper). If this is the case, the family have their vehicles on hand for returning home or to a venue after the service. Families also tend to be more geographically dispersed than in past times, and they may be travelling from different parts of the country or even different countries, so this option may be more practical.

The tradition has been to leave from the deceased address to proceed slowly from the home, usually with the Funeral Director walking in front of the hearse as a mark of respect. This is not always possible if the house has been emptied, the road is dangerous or the deceased lived in care.

Families are asked to choose how the coffin will be transported when they arrange the funeral. As mentioned previously, a motorised hearse is the most popular choice, but other vehicles can be used. These are just a few examples:

• Estate car – some budget or DIY funerals
• A horse-drawn hearse – pulled by two or four black or white horses
• Motorcycle hearse – for motorbike enthusiasts
• Flat bedded trucks – some traveller funerals
• Tractors with trailers

In fact, families can be quite ingenious in providing vehicles appropriate to the deceased. The conditions are that the vehicle must be roadworthy and such that it is possible to load, secure and unload the coffin safely.

Obviously there may be cost implications.

What Route?

The Funeral Director will normally ask the family if they wish the cortège to take a specific route to the service. For example, past a previous residence, a football ground, favourite pub etc. It may be possible to pause for a few moments or slow down at a special landmark.

It is important that the family make their own choices. They may not have any preferences or they may not realise that they can ask to make things a bit more special.

Postscript

All your requirements and requests should be discussed when you arrange the funeral. I hope this blog helps you consider the options that you have so that you can have the funeral YOU want for your loved one.

Music at funeral services

 - originally published December 30, 2017

Here I will address the questions: “What happens about music?” and “How long does the service take?”

I am looking at these two questions together as they impact on each other.

Obviously, there are great variances depending on where you elect to have your funeral service.

The short answer for a funeral service slot at the crematorium (usually 40 minutes), is that you have a 20 minute service. Normally, people choose up to three tracks of pre-recorded music, one to go into the chapel, one to leave and the one in the middle. The middle piece could be a hymn or popular music to listen to (for reflection on the deceased’s life) or even to sing along with.

Now for more details of both crematorium services and church services.

Full Service at the Crematorium

When a full service is held at a crematorium (whether it is religiously based or not) a time slot is allocated by the bereavement authority.

In the past, a standard slot was 30 minutes for a piece of music in entry and one on exit and a 15 minute service. The problem was, if the service did not start on time or if it ran over or the mourners did not leave promptly at the end, a backlog was created. Families and crematorium staff were put under pressure.

To ease this burden, most authorities increased the slots to 40 minutes. This is true of my local authorities, Wakefield, Leeds and Kirklees.

The new full slots allow 10 minutes to enter and listen to the entry music, 20 minutes for the service (which can include a middle piece of music) and 10 minutes to listen to the exit music and leave the chapel. Staff then prepare the chapel for the next service as funerals are booked back-to-back.

If funerals run over the allotted time, the authority has the right to levy a fine. If one slot (40 minutes) is not enough time, a double slot can be booked at an extra cost. This is cheaper than the fine!

Different crematoria have different provisions for music. See ‘Music during the funeral service’. The internet systems are very proficient but you will need both the title of the piece and the artist to give to your funeral director. The music chosen must also be in the public domain.

I have also written a separate blog on multimedia facilities at crematoria (which includes music and/or visuals). You can find it here.

Church Services

If the service is to be held in a church or private venue, the time is governed by that establishment. Also, if the deceased had church connections this may involve more pageantry – such as choirs, flag-bearers etc.

Most church services are approximately 20-30 minutes. The standard service usually includes 2 or 3 hymns which may be replaced by popular music if the church allows this and has those facilities.

If a full Catholic mass is involved, church time will be 45-60 minutes. The Catholic service tends to be much more rigid and usually only includes hymns. If a mass is opted for, more hymns can be included.

Not all churches can provide an organist and some use the internet to provide digital versions of the hymns.

If the family want live music, a choir can sometimes be provided at a cost, though this is quite rare. If the deceased’s family or friends would like to provide live music, it is usually welcomed.

The minister will liaise with your funeral director to sort out the timings allowing time to chat outside the church after the funeral.

Following the church service, the deceased is taken for burial or cremation. Families can choose to accompany the deceased for the committal. Some opt to have the committal in church and do not accompany the deceased.

If the committal is to take place at a graveside, it is normally just prayers but I have known families provide their own music on portable players. Alternatively, if a crematorium is chosen, families have a time slot included in the service provision and it is normal to have recorded music played on entry and on leaving the chapel.

If families also want a middle piece of music, this is possible and will extend the time of the committal. Normally, this part of a church service is quite short.

What to do with cremated remains

 - originally published December 11, 2017

People have a lot on their plate when it comes to dealing with a death - the shock of the death itself, the bureaucracy that’s involved ... not to mention family and estates to deal with.

At the point of arranging the funeral, the last thing on the bereaved's mind is what they are going to do with the remains. However, when the family meet with their funeral director to make the funeral arrangements this is a question that needs to be recorded on the crematorium paperwork that must be handed in before the funeral can take place.

If a family is unsure, the best policy is not to make an irrevocable decision. The remains can be ‘put on hold’, for a short time at the crematorium, or collected for safe keeping either by the funeral director or by the family themselves. They can always be returned to the crematorium at a later date for strewing.

Strewing cremated remains refers to scattering the ashes.

People have very different attitudes towards remains. Some feel they are very precious and provide another chance for dealing with the death, others see them as nothing at all and just want them disposing of without fuss and then there are those who just want to keep them.

The photo on the right shows the green polytainer typically provided by the crematorium (colours may vary), a cardboard cylindrical scatter tube and a small wooden heart keepsake.

So what are the options?

In my experience the majority choose to have the remains strewn in the crematorium grounds. If this is your choice you may well be asked if you have a preferred spot (for example, where another member of the family or friend was placed). The crematorium, record this place of strewing on their records and, depending on the authority, it can be very accurate. For example, Wakefield and Pontefract crematoria record strewings to within one metre.

If you wish the remains to be strewn on a council grave in the area of the crematorium, this can also be arranged (sometimes a small cost is involved - your funeral director will advise).

If you wish to be present and make an appointment to witness the strewing, this will be organised through your funeral director. Some authorities make a charge for this service (eg Wakefield), others provide it as part of the cremation service (eg Leeds). If you do attend, the affair is quite informal. The crematorium attendant or cemetery representative will usually say a few words if asked and will also allow the family to complete the strewing under supervision. The family then know exactly where the remains are. The crematoria have their own methods of memorialisation (eg book of remembrance, plaques etc.) which some families feel are appropriate if the remains are to stay at the crematorium. 

The photo on the left shows a wooden urn, a typical child's urn and tiny scatter tubes which are sometimes used as keepsakes.

The simplest option is to have the remains strewn by the crematorium staff without an appointment. If you did want to attend at a later date they can look up the location for you.

If the family choose to have the cremated remains removed by the funeral director, they are encouraged to collect them if they are unable to decide on a final resting place.

Some families decide it is more appropriate to do something more personal, for example, a favourite spot or holiday destination. I have known families take remains abroad intact or in small quantities. One family told me their loved one liked to travel and that his remains would be taken to exotic spots around the globe – it worked for them. If you are doing your own strewing, please bear in mind wind direction and remember that breathing in cremated remains is very bad for you (they are carcinogenic).

It can prove helpful in the grieving process to have a place to visit and focus on. This seems to be especially helpful in the case of young and accidental deaths.

To this end, some families elect to have the cremated remains buried. This can be in an existing grave or a newly purchased plot. Some plots are specifically designed for cremated remains (authorities vary in their provisions). The cost of this sometimes puts families off the idea. If you are a member of a church community it is worth checking to see if they make provision for cremated remains strewing or burying, but again remember there will usually be a cost.

The people that want keep the remains close by may decide to bury them in the garden, but just think what happens if they move house! The plastic containers that the remains are usually placed in for collection are not biodegradable. One option is to bury the container with the view that it can be dug up if necessary.

If you are planning to bury a wooden urn, bear in mind that this deteriorates with time and must be at least two feet below ground. My beloved dog, whose remains I buried in a wooden urn, was one day strewn on the lawn (not buried under it as intended) due to local foxes and their digging antics.

Something else that a lot of people do not realise is that cremated remains can be strewn on lawns but not on plants, they are very bad for rose bushes.

Sometimes when an elderly partner dies, the remaining person often decides to have the remains retained in order that they can be placed together after their demise. Depending on the family, they may be kept in the back of a garage or displayed on a mantle shelf in an expensive urn for all to see. Each to their own, its all about what helps the person involved. A lady I know of, told her husband whilst she was alive, he would not miss an episode of ‘Coronation Street’. I believe he is still next to the TV.

The photo on the right shows a small selection of biodegradable urns.

A few families I have dealt with have wanted burial at sea and opted instead to dispose of the ashes at sea instead. It is a lot less complicated than organising a full body burial. It is also free of cost if done discreetly.

Some Sikhs use the fishermen's platforms on the river Aire at Kirkstall for strewing on water.

Keepsakes are also available that can be made from a tiny quantity of the remains ranging from diamonds to glass depending how much you want to spend (diamonds in the region of £10,000). Keepsakes incorporating a tiny proportion kept as is, include such things as lockets, tactile wooden hearts, tiny urns etc.

More unusual disposal methods include; having the remains tattooed into the skin, having them incorporated into a firework and having them shot into space in a small rocket.

The cremation process is very final. People, as in all things, must make their own decisions but a decision made in haste can be the wrong one. So, if you are in any way in doubt, hold fire until your head is in a better place and you can make the decision that is right for you.

Points to Consider

 - originally published December 3, 2017

In this series of blog posts, I will cover the points you will need to consider when you are arranging a funeral service.

Families at a time of emotional turmoil do not always know what they need to consider. The Funeral Director (during the arrangement of the funeral) will guide the bereaved through the options that are available.

Prior to losing a loved one or perhaps when taking out a pre-need funeral plan, I think it is a good idea to gather information and think about the options that are available and what would suit you and your family.

The topics I intend to cover (in no particular order) are listed below. I will include a link to the posts as I publish them - just click the "View blog post" link.

• What would you like to do with the cremated remains? View blog post

• How many vehicles do you require and what route do you want the cortège to take? View blog post

• Do you require help arranging catering after the service? View blog post

• Do you require a paper notice? View blog post

• What are you doing about flowers? View blog post

• Do you want to spend time with your loved one?

• Would you like your loved one embalmed?

• How is the deceased to be dressed and would you like anything in the coffin? View blog post

• Would you like music? View blog post

• Do you require a church service?

• Would the family like to contribute to the service?

• Do the family want to carry the coffin? View blog post

• Would you like a charity collection after the service?